I lose. You win

John 15  ¹ “I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. ² He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes^[a] so that it will be even more fruitful. ³ You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. ⁴ Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
   ⁵ “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. ⁶ If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. ⁷ If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. ⁸ This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.
   ⁹ “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. ¹⁰ If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. ¹¹ I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.

I am easily tempted and persuaded in following my fleshly desires that are of the world. My faith in God feels like a flickering light bulb; it's always on and off. The longer this continues, I feel like I end up questioning God and his plans more and more. I am stubborn. 
This passage screams at me to ABIDE ABIDE ABIDE ABIDE ABIDE ...5 more times. I need to stop doubting God's plans for me and just give up everything to Him. I need to trust that in following his word, I will be taken care of. Although a speck of uncertainty in my heart could mislead me, I must have faith. So I pray: give me courage O lord to be honest and real. Wash away my doubts, fears and insecurities I have inside of me. Make me abide in your word and have faith in you. Amen.