fully known, fully accepted and fully loved

In the last 2 weeks, I kept coming to our blog to create a new post, but I couldn't think of anything to write, so I would just delete it.

For about a month now, I've been really struggling with a sense of unworthiness. There's something I've been dealing with that made me feel so... distant from God. And not only distant, but I felt like there was a barrier between us. Part of me wanted to come back, and another part of me didn't want to come back, because I knew I could not do so without a repentant heart, without TRULY being committed to change.

psalm 16

"I said to the Lord, 'You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing.'" (verse 2)

--> this reminded me that as a sinful human, there is nothing intrinsically valuable in me. The reason I've been feeling unworthy is because I AM. I just forgot about how automatic sin is, because I was so consumed by it that I became blind to it. And when my eyes were opened a little bit and I was able to see just one part of my sin, I was overwhelmingly reminded of who I am, in comparison to who God is.

Even though this past month has been difficult, and the struggle is still ongoing, I'm glad for this reminder. I'm trying to meditate on the fact that God loves me still, unconditionally, even though I feel like I deserve it less. But that's the point, huh? No one deserves any of it at all (Romans 3:10)

But God knows me completely, he knows everything about me (Psalm 139:1-4, 13-16). And the fact that he still redeemed me in spite of all my flaws and hopelessness means that he accepts everything about me.

"Being fully known, we are fully accepted and fully loved."

Make Me Salty Again!

Matthew 5:13
"You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men."

The note in my bible says: "if a seasoning has no flavor, it has no value. If Christians make no effort to affect the world around them, they are of little value to God. If we are too much like the world, we are worthless. Christians should not blend in with everyone else. Instead, we should affect others positively, just as seasoning brings out the best flavor in food."

This verse struck me in two ways.. For one, I realized how I've lost my saltiness over the past couple months.. and secondly, I realized that i've been blending in with the world.. pretty much getting lost in it. But I want to come back!

I read this verse, and it asks the question I was thinking.. how can I be made salty again? But it doesn't give me a direct answer. It only tells me the negative consequence. But then I sat here, and closed my eyes and asked God my first question in a long long time, HOW?? and these words came to mind... Prayer, Obedience/Persistence and Devotion.

Lately, I've been blending into the world way more than I have since I started college.. And I kept using the excuse that If I blend in to the world, I'll be more relatable to my non-christian friends.. so that I can help them later! Plus it is all just harmless fun! But all that's happened is that I've slowly drifted from God because I've stopped praying, and devoting time to him.

Not that having fun with your friends is not good! but it was the part where, at the same time, I gave up my time with God.. But I know what he wants me to do. He wants me to meet with him obediently and daily. He wants me to show my faith and devotion by coming to him every day. And I know that if I show my faith and gain his trust, he will start to reveal things to me. It's just so hard to be disciplined.. So this would be my prayer request! Help me!